Living with mental health issues has taught me a lot about how strong I really am. You never know just how strong you are until you are so broken and beaten down.
I grew up in a broken home, my parents divorced when I was a year old. My mom had custody of me and my older sister, she worked her butt off to take care of us. Of course, at the time I did not know just how hard it was for my mom. Anyway, that is besides the point, this is about me and my mental health issues.
I did not understand the meaning of Mental Health until I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depression Disorder, or most commonly known as Clinical Depression), PTSD, ADD and Anxiety. SO…..just how did I get diagnosed?
It started after I finally decided to get help dealing with my stress and depression. I had so much going on in my life and I did not know how to handle it all. My father-in-law had passed away and it changed everything in my marriage…….that is a story for another time.
I was so beaten down and broken that I did not even know it. I started working out twice a day, once before work and then after work. Working out in the mornings before work helped with my energy to keep me focused. Running after work helped me clear my head and gave me time to think or not think! I think that exercising really helped me more than I realized.
I started going to therapy once a week and it was strange at first, but I got used to it. Talking to someone that was a stranger and who only had my best interest in mind, was a very good idea. My therapist is very understanding, helpful and a great listener……which she should be since that is her job! LOL! She helped me see that I was broken and beaten down, she helped me understand that what was happening to me was not my fault and that I deserved better. I was being blamed for everything that was wrong in my marriage, for the death of my father-in-law, for my kids not doing their chores or homework, for my ex-husband mental issues and for him having a bad day at work.
How is all that my fault you ask? Because my ex-husband thought that it was. He took all of his frustrations out on me and made me feel like everything was my fault. The sad thing is I let him because I thought that that is what a good wife did. Boy was I WRONG!!!!! I took everything that he threw at me (not literally or physically) all the words, the hate, the looks, everything. I did try very hard to shield my kids (they were teenagers at the time) from his rage, hateful words, and all the hurt that I went through with him. My kids did not deserve to suffer like I did! I was able to shield them for the most part, the only time I couldn’t was when he would get home before me.
My kids deserved so much more than having a parent say hurtful things to them. I did everything I could to make sure that they were happy and loved. I gave them everything they wanted when I could. They were and still are my world, I did and still will do anything and everything I can for them.
Living with mental health issues has been an eye opener for me and I have learned so much about myself and how strong I really am. I have learned that I deserve to be loved, wanted, needed, respected, appreciated, and happy! It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson and to tell you the truth I am still learning it and growing. I have found myself; I have found out just how strong I am and that I can handle just about anything that life wants too through at me!
Ok, so this is long enough for now but let me leave you with this thought………If you are feeling depressed or down it’s ok to ask for help and talk to someone. Remember YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! Until next time, stay strong, smile, and laugh until you cry! 🙂
Living w/mental health 